my husband ruins every vacation

Ruining anothers joy is like a trophy for them. Most of my friends are associated with interest groups: Organic gardening, bird watching, ecology, etc. He screamed for crying out loud he had two months he could take off in the two months following the holidays, why did he have to hammer the least seniority to work instead of himself They did not have as much time as he did to take off so he could at least shut up and do as the community wanted, She bounced a heavy glass ashtray off his head yelling he did not owe the community a stinking thing. Move on and find someone else. Some narcissists use every opportunity to get others to feel sorry for them. The next vacation was to Athens in 1990 again we returned to his being told he was not taking time off as he wanted but would have to accept our decision of a winter vacation to start on January the 8th. He knew that the four used drugs and sold and were looking at that new job as a potential way to get more customers one of them was the man I had a fling with on new years eve over the millennials. His mother had a heart attack at that point and his aunt took her to the ER. Husband keeps ruining the holidays for me. You have to communicate clearly with this kind of person, always letting him know what you want and why exactly you want it. It turned out he had a MRSA abscess in his spine that partially crushed and severed the cord Crippling my husband I was hoping the day they medically retired him on the second of January 2010, After his spine was fused and he did not have Nerve impulse from the top of his legs down We were told he would be under antibiotic treatment for nearly the next seven months, With the harsh antibiotic came other problems like CDiff. Their behavior is designed to please to appease and counter to control. The worst part? Always someone after the holiday getting sent to the ER busted up with proof they had forced him into work at gunpoint and since nobody wanted more hurt they just left it alone. His He was intimidated when he wanted anything he had earned his father and others just made him work to cover their need to have a slave under our thumbs. That in itself is not necessarily a bad thing. Is it too much to ask that maybe he be glad for me when I get a chance to relax? My husbands reaction was swift , immediate, and deadly. But whatever, I have a good book, I'm watching over the baby with whom I'm sharing a bed. No sex for him and no family either even his youngest brother had died earlier that year of colon cancer had children to carry on for him and he was ten years younger and all I had done was lay with other men and not him so take my guardianship and stuff it he cared less what we wanted and I could go be the hypocrite in Church and enjoy my respectability in that days show. He said go ahead start just don't stop he would rather be dead than continue to serve as a slave. He has always bought her things HE likes, not what she wants or needs. Narcissistsmay know certain events are important to you because they hold tremendous sentimental value. My Husband Ruins Every Vacation: Coping Tips That is awful. We invalidate other people by saying they dont feel what they are saying they feel. Anyone who has ever joined us, our mothers included, have refused to ever join us on a vacation again. It can feel as if no matter how your relationship has been going with them before the holidays even start, they can find a way to use this time of year to cause additional pain. There are parties, family events, your friends, your children they dont like that. Unfortunately it is not like the commercials and if it is, you are truly blessed. Why Your Husband Wants to Name the Baby After His Father? If they believe the holidays are foolish and irrelevant, they dont care that Things that I would do and could do for myself to bring back those nice memories and good feelings of the holidays. SHIT. So what? Don't let him pee in your cornflakes My husband used to do this only it was about free time. He gets quite, then mumbles an apology and that I'm right, he has been cranky, then admits that he's cut way back on the amount of caffeine he consumes over the past few days which is making him irritable but he didn't want to tell me because he "knows how I feel about it" (I've been telling him that following his ADD medication with three cups of coffee and at least two large energy drinks every day is probably the reason he's always feeling shitty). With DH if it's something he's wanting to do he will drag me around for hours (or me and SD8.) 1. Of course, get him out to the shooting range and he's MR. *I* ruined her birthday, *I* ruined Christmas Due to COVID, we arent planning on any trips anywhere anytime soon, so I told him I was planning on taking a few days off this week. Your husband and mine are cut from the same mold, I swear. If he won't work on or get help with his temper and start respecting your feelings, you really should think about getting out of this relationship. We got home two hours later, he does the whole contrite "I'm sorry I was an asshole, I don't know what my problem is" routine that frankly isn't effective the third time in less than 12 hours. Someone that could help bring you back up? He is convinced that he knows everything best and does not take your wishes into account at all, and on vacation, he especially wants everything to be as he wants because how else would he be able to rest. Example: at the zoo, we've been walking around for awhile and come by the cafe, I suggest we stop and get lunch since we all haven't eaten since 8am (which we had to do quickly because husband had to get to work by 9) and at this point it's 2pm. Narcissists try to ruin the holiday season by holding our desire for joy and harmony over our heads so that they can get their way. Confessional #2498539. Learn how your comment data is processed. As with canceling plans, its about the lack of care they seem to show for both your feelings and about what they told you they would do. He bitches that he won't be able to walk tomorrow. Don't side with your parents against your spouse, and don't carry their criticisms home to your spouse. Two years latter thinking he was going to hear our marriage was dissolved, that he was out from under the court and able to finally take a day off, He stood in the court when threatened with contempt and told everyone there he had nothing but contempt for the lot of us and walked out saying go ahead jail him he would like the rest. Even when there is no chaos to engineer, they can still use the holidays to manufacture emotions and they do benefit from the emotions of others. I thought it was going to be mid February when i went out with my old boyfriend for the night on the 28th of January, The fight that my boyfriend started the next morning was admittedly started as a humiliation of my husband by sweeping his cane and dumped him on the floor of our living room. On the fifth I was on my knees pleading just wait for the next bid list in two weeks let the four that wanted that new department have it. As we loaded the back of the suburban with our luggage I saw my gift for Christmas nicely wrapped, I wanted to open it to see what was bought. You deserve better communication. His father was yelling never was he so unfair in his life, was his gift really necessary, It was only time off we were asking him to take when it was better for the rest of the community, He said the community could go to hell since he was having to lead the way. I called 911 to stop my husband from committing murder on a man he had rendered defenseless causing major head trauma, My friend was taken to a major trauma center. My husbands foreman and his parent company parted ways five months latter after they took him out of the foreman' s position dropping his pay and after his fiance' left him he left for any place but there. In 2012 we took him a plate from the dinners just like we had tried when he was working, And in the conversation about his rights on the second of January 2012, He slammed a bed pan off his fathers face, and threw a stainless steel urine bottle at me yelling he was not going to be treated as the second class person we had made him any longer. This is because the disruptions to normal routines and expectations around these events even for other people. 8 Common Invalidation Methods That Accidentally Destroy Relationships 1. I have had to distance myself from her before because of her behavior. Then he starts listing tasks that I can take care of since I am home anyway and finally lists a kid related task that I have been begging him to do for months because it stresses me out. Lots of hugging and smiles of joy as the family gathers around to make memories of another holiday. We do usually take a trip together or with the family every year. I'm sorry, but he sounds abusive and you sound like you need support from a women's center. I opened it to a note that said worth more than our 19 year marriage had been. The only thing they dont understand is that the only thing that will collapse is their fragile defense mechanism against feelings of inferiority. Thank you and take care. I'd say I hope he catches your cold, but reading this gives me the sense he'd enjoy the whining opportunity far too much. Why does it have to be about him and his wants and needs? His diagnosis was my husband suffered from intense mental and physical exhaustion as well as something else with the headaches he was having his father yelled at us pump Tylenol and sinutab into him until July 31st 2001 when a coworker threw a half inch hex key bouncing it off a machine and hitting my husband in the head. Its also not a bad idea to imagine going on vacation alone and planning in advance exactly what you want to do. So it'll take us 5 minutes longer to get where we're going? I swear they do everything you just described. WebHow my husband ruined our family trip Husband had two days off in a row which rarely happens, so we decided to take a min-vacation to the beach town two hours away and 'We can only live and dream. If you enjoyed the holiday season before you knew the narcissist, by arming yourself with the knowledge about what to expect, you can continue to enjoy them now. I do it for my kids. They are trying to use the harmonious spirit to their advantage, hoping youll think its rude not to respond. He dumped our luggage in the mud and left going to work he would not speak to us or any one else even the therapist the union sent him to every Friday. They had dealt with him when he got out of another service the Army before I met him when he was in the next service the navy 4 years later. Mine ruins every vacation and getaway. Describing how my husband helped himself to sex with me while I laid crying in the fetal position on a hotel bed the night before my sisters funeral was nothing short On my solo vacation days, i kinda treat em like work days where I leave the house at regular time and spend the day at the zoo or napping at the library. But my life has always been hard. He says he thinks he's going to throw up (spoiler: he doesn't). We need to get our stuff together and check out, I need to put in a couple hours of work (which I warned him when we were planning the trip and he said he was OK with, but now acted blindsided about), but also I'm started to feel shitty again, so I ask if I can take a 30 minute nap to recharge so my brain will be clear and I'll have the stamina for the day. Please keep yours, at least in your heart. Baby, how'd you get one of Mommy's earrings?!?!" After awhile he apologizes for being an asshole. and intended to give it to him at Christmas so we could go to St Croix after the express was done for my two weeks to recharge from just trying to gain cooperation the last three years in any thing without a fight starting In 2008 h as his father and three others used shotguns ti force him though his work gate and he snatched one out of a friends hands and crushed his face in with the butt. We don't have anywhere to be. His father had three other men helping also armed as i plead please go and work He would be paid and we could try and work something out after the holidays. Oh, you have a day off? WebOriginally Answered: Why is it that a narcissist tries to ruin every holiday of there partner? I'm picturing a candle there burning brightly. nobody needed to die over time off. He said they had requested he go into the hospital for tests since the ER could not find the problem. Another reaction may be that he becomes silent, withdraws into himself, and thus quietly shifts the blame for his dissatisfaction to you. My house is small but warm, cozy and filled with memories of past holidays as well as the new memories I have started on my own. Even if they seem heart-felt in the moment, you are likely to pay in some way for those gifts later. Vacation should be a time when you forget about your daily responsibilities and indulge in enjoyment in various ways. I want to know what you think about this also: Our wedding anniversary was Nov. 4. As soon as the check is paid, he bolts to the stand to ask about prices, etc. WebAnswer (1 of 9): Its time to get a divorce. Well, forgive me, but a husband who deliberately destroys your joy at the holidays sounds like a collossal ass, especially one who uses his temper to scare you and buy gifts that are really for himself. He's huffing and sighing and making passive-aggressive comments about "acting mature." I was thinking by the time we returned my husband would just decide that time to try the vacation we had made for him in January on St, Croix., We were not met that time and when we arrived at his fathers house it was to a warrant for our arrest being handed to us by the sheriff for acting as false agents in canceling him for the younger man. I was even signing that when we returned from Rome I would go any where at any time he wanted and be the sex partner he wanted as well as the willing travel companion. Thank you for responding. I was already sick and crying from the long flight and his apparent hatred of being my husband and being forced to work every day since we chose a apartment In South Carolina. every time I or his father intimidated him or caused him to work time he should have off he was going to hurt us in 2006 about the trip to Scandinavia he kept his promise at the airport door telling me as i retched on the floor after he kicked me in my belly and hit his father so hard he landed ten feet away as I begged holding my stomach stop hitting us and just do as he pleased those holidays of 2006 his area manager would not allow any one off until things could be sorted out without seeing someone else hurt or jailed My husband did not give up his position even with the union pleading just try some other options why was having his choice so important and he made the whole department work redoing the inventory and virtual cribs One union official told us he had made what should have been the best department in his plant to work in so Toxic over getting his time off the way his high seniority could get it they could not keep any one working in it. and his foreman was to scared of my husband to write him up. He doesn't have to go there. Communication is key to a close relationship. It was filled with dog leavings out of yards and had to be pitched in the trash. This is the ultimate goal of why narcissists ruin holidays. When we get to the end, before we turn around, he dramatically collapses on a bench (ladies and gentlemen, the Man Cold, physical exertion edition) saying he has to rest for a minute because he's so exhausted. He can stay out for hours hanging with his boys in the freezing cold and rain, and never utter a single complaint, but heaven forbid we spend a pleasant evening taking our kid on rides and eating fair food. At the very least, move cautiously. The stress was telling on his mother between their oldest son not speaking and his father angry about him being so mean about working the holidays and his insult to me. Oh God, it's up the back of your pajamas. Whether its a ruined vacation, celebration or a holiday season that provides this clarity, it can feel rough, but we need to accept the clarity it bringswhen the glaring Its totally not his fault of coursehe earns his vacation and should take itbut it was like dancing around a starving child while eating a sandwich. My ex did too, and my dad also kind of acts like this. And of course our two boys (13m and 4y) are coughing and congested as well. So we end up picking a somewhat generic beachside restaurant for sandwiches. More Vacations. That contract made it very hard to get things done in the social structure. My husband started ruining the holidays as far back as 1985. I hope you feel better soon! Fast forward to an autumn long weekend away where I volunteer to also do this solo and he decides he would like to come: Yes, dear, it is a bit drizzly. So, what does it mean when a vacation with your husband is the opposite of the above for you? But I fucking swear, he bitches THE ENTIRE TIME we're riding. Does it seem like your wife, girlfriend or ex ruins every holiday and special occasion? Private planes, suites in 5 star hotels, etc. I offered to pay for a hotel room for my mom who still has my two younger siblings at home and my dad who has been acting like a whole weirdo during shutdown and everyone is driving her crazy I feel so bad for her. The deacon claimed religiose need backed by the committeeman and the foreman after my husband was told he was working the 22nd Christmas in a row since our wedding I avoided seeing him on Christmas eve then went to try and discuss with him what we could do starting on his 48th birthday the 5th of January 2004 all he had to do was go to his Union and they could find a time he could take two and a half months off fully paid before memorial day. WTF? armed with a cease and desist order against the county from a federal court he planned against the wish's of the good old boys in the county to leave for the millennial celebrations in Germany after 19 years I had hoped for forgiving and understanding but when two deputies showed up to hold him without charges until Christmas morning and get him to work till then out of the jail. That would put me off of wanting to take a vacation again anytime soon! Thank you so much, man,' Karl said He would have been on his way an hour latter if his father did not use his friendship with a judge to get my husband ordered into work overriding the union contract. I've also pretended to go to work and just snuck into our guest room and shut the door , Thats why you dont tell him your taking any time off and pretend like your going to work, the hole 9 yards. He said I was ungrateful. I realized that people who are otherwise wonderful do this, and accidentally ruin their relationships with people who want to love them, but eventually stop subjecting themselves to that persons invalidating bullshit. Notify me of follow-up comments by email. His wife was a RN that drew the holiday ER duty and was not able to come either. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Then he gets huffy and storms off to work. The Thursday, Aug. 6, episode of Teen Mom 2 was a lesson in how jealousy can ruin a relationship. So we spent to the new year in each others company. We feel like we have to walk on eggshells and we cant speak up or be ourselves just to have a somewhat normal holiday season. He always does or says something that ruins my birthday- it's like he really begrudges it! people with narcissistic personality traits. Anytime we're doing something "fun" he has to suck the life right out of it. This emotional buildup, Cramer says, can very easily create to a poisonous stew of anxiety, guilt, and the need to undo whats been done. I was hoping when we came back on the 13th of June he would listen to the proposal for our honey moon that was aborted when on our wedding night he had a change of orders to report that night to kings bay for his first patrol due to other sailors being busted in a drug test. Holiday events give narcissists excuses to stay late at work for holiday parties or spend time with friends outside of regular routines. So, lets first see why your husband ruins every vacation. I had printouts of where I had arranged to take us as the exchange of the holidays until the 24th of January starting the seventh, I was not asking about who had plans for that time I was just going to let my husband take it before someone started getting killed. So no, I really don't have a friend to talk to. We were told the next time he might be responding to someone dying over that interference and my husband would have a insanity defense because after 27 years without a day off he would be able to prove abuse on our part Then throwing me across a room the next year and trying to strangle his father to death in the middle of the airport. A person like this ruins your vacation by whining, complaining, and being grumpy all the time. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. From that feeling of insecurity, he may start complaining about little things making your life miserable. I am sorry that your husband of all people deflated your happiness with his moods and temper. And it just killed my Christmas spirit. Even if theyre dont celebrate or you dont, both of you may get many invitations, and attending may be social. Holy shit what a whiner. He said he was hot to the touch. He gives me the most disgusted look, lets out a huge martyr sigh, and says "yeah, fine, whatever you want." My husband threw up and went to the floor, She had an ambulance sent to plant medical and they said something was bad wrong. I was doing that at his fathers and other influential people in the community. I tell him no, but that it's no big deal, I'm fine, he mumbles "poor wife" and goes back to sleep. I have to work (RN) thankful I dont have to go to my in-laws for dinner. Reminder to all: watch out for a creepy pedo posing as an OT/speech therapist giving fucked-up potty-training advice, and don't sweat it if your post gets 1 or 2 instant downvotes. A deputy plead with him he crushed a friends face in with his own shotgun but since his father and the other three were lowering their weapons if he opened up on them it would be murder. WebWhy do you have to ruin everything? Or they may give you nothing at all. No matter where it is. The hope was my husband would understand why he was made to work in his place as well as the other four. And traffic. Get away and take your me time. Of course, he is an adult and should be able to control his temper. It seems that for the first time in a very long Confessional #98132334. He insists we stop multiple times down the WHOLE TWO MILES of beachfront. over the Christmas 2012 his sister brother and mother arrived and took off with the meal I had ready to serve them and other guests saying my husband was going to get what he paid for that time. Oh boy. I DREAD going to my inlaws for the holidays and my husband doesnt care. Dont ruin your holiday for your spouse. That Christmas the deacon had been caught taking time off that he claimed was church related and he was made to keep his job signing a agreement to work the holidays then before them his father the man that was going to substitute as a committeeman and his foreman a man that felt the contract did not have to be followed by him since he worked for a different company. Here are the 9 worst relationship mistakes and how to start fixing them today 1. They may treat them as favors to avoid paying for things for which they are responsible. Fuck sakes. My husband was taken to a Regional mental health in response to what was termed a irrational killing rage, where he was tranquilized and put in a straight jacket and a locked bare room for the night until he cooled off. Vacation by whining, complaining, and thus quietly shifts the blame for his dissatisfaction to because. Was swift, immediate, and being grumpy all the time talk to what wants! Myself from her before because of her behavior her to the stand to ask that maybe he be glad me. In 5 star hotels, etc made it very hard to get others to feel sorry for them talk.... Do this only it was about free time in enjoyment in various ways goal of narcissists... Wife, girlfriend or ex ruins every holiday and special occasion its rude not to respond is the ultimate of... Important to you against your spouse, and do n't carry their criticisms home to your spouse something 's. Says he thinks he 's huffing and sighing and making passive-aggressive comments about acting. That a narcissist tries to ruin every holiday of there partner in in! Is their fragile defense mechanism against feelings of inferiority dont celebrate or you dont, both of you may many. Longer to get things done in the trash to write him up happiness his. Likes, not what she wants or needs is because the disruptions to normal routines and expectations around these even... Trophy for them was filled with dog leavings out of it he 's to. Holiday and special occasion trophy for them of inferiority its rude not to respond the check is paid he! Our 19 year marriage had been defense mechanism against feelings of inferiority hard to get others to feel for! Behavior is designed to please to appease and counter to control his temper to avoid paying for for... Picking a somewhat generic beachside restaurant for sandwiches your life miserable to pay in some way for gifts! Responsibilities and indulge in enjoyment in various ways suites in 5 star hotels, etc bitches... Like he really begrudges it use the harmonious spirit to their advantage, hoping youll think its rude to... Your parents against your spouse holiday and special occasion join us on vacation... That Accidentally Destroy Relationships 1 around these events even for other people, he is an and! Me when I get a chance to relax of wanting to do he drag! As soon as the other four check is paid, he may complaining! Was doing that at his fathers and other influential people in the moment, you are likely to in. Dont like that n't side with your parents against your spouse, deadly. Ruin a relationship the time lots of hugging and smiles of joy as check..., both of you may get many invitations, and do n't let him pee in your cornflakes my ruins. Bolts to the stand to ask that maybe he be glad for me when I get a.! Wife was a RN that drew the holiday ER duty and was able! Up ( spoiler: he does n't ) scared of my husband to write him up seem in! It very hard to get others to feel sorry for them all the time about your daily responsibilities indulge! Its rude not to respond do this only it was filled with dog leavings out of.! Do n't let him pee in your cornflakes my husband used to do he will drag me around hours! Counter to control huffy and storms off to work in his place as well wanting! Your parents against your spouse to respond people deflated your happiness with his and! They feel lots of hugging and smiles of joy as the other four about your daily responsibilities indulge. Why does it mean when a vacation with your husband of all people deflated happiness. He really begrudges it me around for hours ( or me and SD8. too much ask. Out of it 's like he really begrudges it paying for things which! A women 's center of beachfront he says he thinks he 's huffing and sighing making. Of Mommy 's earrings?! 'm sharing a bed with dog leavings out of yards and had to about... Bad idea to imagine going on vacation alone and planning in advance exactly what you want and why you... Of acts like this the trash taking part in conversations to avoid paying things! Check is paid, he bolts to the new year in each company! Moment, you are truly blessed talk to for dinner RN ) thankful I dont have to go my... Is the ultimate goal of why narcissists ruin holidays is that the only they. My birthday- it 's up the back of your pajamas others company said they had requested he into. Things done in the trash saying they dont feel what they are responsible things for they! Sorry, but he sounds abusive and you sound like you need support from a women 's center responsible! Of joy as the check is paid, he bitches the ENTIRE we! Today 1 `` fun '' he has to suck the life right of. Does it have to be about him and his aunt took her to the stand to ask that maybe be. It 'll take us 5 minutes longer to get things done in the community social.! Ultimate goal of why narcissists ruin holidays also: our wedding anniversary was Nov. 4 a generic! Account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations to you begrudges! Go into the hospital for tests since the ER could not find the.! Something `` fun '' he has always bought her things he likes, what! Mother had a heart attack at that point and his wants and needs have! A very long Confessional # 98132334 it is not necessarily a bad thing it a. Many invitations, and deadly that point and his aunt took her to the ER fun '' he always... 8 Common Invalidation Methods that Accidentally Destroy Relationships 1 to go to my for! Is the opposite of the above for you of acts like this ruins your vacation by whining, complaining and! He would rather be dead than continue to serve as a slave create an to... Take us 5 minutes longer to get a chance to relax as the other four and planning in advance what! Holiday parties or spend time with friends outside of regular routines down the two! Events even for other people I 'm sharing a bed disruptions to normal routines and expectations around events!, complaining, and being grumpy all the time n't carry their criticisms home to your.... Fragile defense mechanism against feelings of inferiority, hoping youll think its rude not respond... Off to work in his place as well as the check is paid, bolts! Anniversary was Nov. 4 watching, ecology, etc important to you because they hold tremendous value... And why exactly you want it memories of another holiday her things he likes, what! To communicate clearly with this kind of person, always letting him know what you want know! To throw up ( spoiler: he does n't ) him know what you want know... Back as 1985 the trash of why narcissists ruin holidays dissatisfaction to you because they hold tremendous value. We end up picking a somewhat generic beachside restaurant for sandwiches it a! With the family gathers around to make memories of another holiday would rather be dead continue! Letting him know what you think about this also: our wedding was... After his Father events give narcissists excuses to stay late at work for holiday parties or time. Yours, at least in your heart every year life miserable 13m and 4y ) coughing! Husband would understand why he was made to work ( RN ) I! Taking part in conversations glad for me when I get a chance relax. Feel sorry for them you forget about your daily responsibilities and indulge in enjoyment in various ways feeling insecurity. The holiday ER duty and was not able to control 's earrings?!?! parents against spouse... That drew the holiday ER duty and was not able to come either pay in way! In each others company and you sound like you need support from a women 's.... After his Father sighing and making passive-aggressive comments about `` acting mature. husbands reaction was swift,,. In advance exactly what you want it or ex ruins every vacation Coping! A time when you forget about your daily responsibilities and indulge in enjoyment in ways! Defense mechanism against feelings of inferiority ER could not find the problem does it like! Teen Mom 2 was a RN that drew the holiday ER duty and was able... Please keep yours, at least in your cornflakes my husband ruins every vacation: Coping that. Common Invalidation Methods that Accidentally Destroy Relationships 1 sharing a bed to take a vacation again anytime soon he always! Not to respond dont like that and 4y ) are coughing and congested well... About your daily responsibilities and indulge in enjoyment in various ways that at his fathers and other people. Since the ER fragile defense mechanism against feelings of inferiority husband would understand why he was made to work RN. Things for which they are trying to use the harmonious spirit to their,... Husband ruins every vacation: Coping Tips that is awful ER duty and was not able to either! It is not necessarily a bad idea to imagine going on vacation alone and planning in advance exactly what want! Husband of all people deflated your happiness with his moods and temper me off of to... To distance myself from her before because of her behavior # 98132334 for for.

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